you know, actually, this internship couldn’t have come along at a more perfect time. i have just one semester left to decide my major without causing any major damage to my path with my classes and not waste any time. this jobs helping me decide which field i want to work in. i’m actually learning a lot, even though my eyes are bleeding and my butt is deforming from sitting at a computer all day…which is partially why i dislike CS. i knew deep down all along i was destined to be a mathematician, i thought i would give CS a try though and see if i like it because doing something you love as a profession takes the fun away. but, they say to do what you love. WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFEEEEE

earthquakes are so unreal. nothing in life is constant or stable, not even the ground below us. 

let’s just say this place isn’t my niche. or maybe i’m just having a bad day.

the people are REALLY friendly, which i love. i didnt meet one unfriendly person. mostly old/middle-aged men. the work im doing is kind of too complex for me. i need to soak it all in. im glad my sister is with me though, i would probably be twice as anxious/scared/socially awkward if she wasnt there. i give off the wrong impression, which sucks really badly. i heard the guy that was teaching me all this stuff all day tell my dad that he thought i was really bored or really scared. and i was neither of those. i want them to know that i appreciate this job and i’m actually trying and care about things. i was just trying to soak up everything and understand wtf he was even talking about cause i knew if i didnt i couldnt do the job. and its not some like little herpderp thing like before at my old job; if stuff doesnt get done, there are real consequences, not just mad moms and poopy babies. 

ill see how the rest of the summer goes, but, im pretty sure im going to make the final change for my major and do applied mathematics with a minor in CS. i dont know why, but certain terminology and tasks, simple things, regarding CS make my stomach turn, my head ache, and my eyes close. i feel like im wasting my life/youth/energy/talents on something that no one will ever remember/care about. 500 years from now, no one will care what i did with my life, it wont make a difference, so why should i do things i don’t want to do? BECAUSE MONEY THAT’S WHY. i wish i could just live my life for myself and the people and things i love.

now im going to eat my lasagna and donuts and TRY to stop stressing about going back tomorrow. (you dont have to tell me i am a baby, i already know)

WHOAoo00ooa0OOoaaoo candy’s sweet, and honey too, there’s not another quite, quite as sweet as you 

was very inspiring for me back in 2008. now that i look at it, i’m not too fond of it.